Top Ten, or twenty, or five....

Maybe "The Federation of Canadian Taxpayers" has got something there...

1. Accounts Receivable Tax
2. Building Permit Tax
3. Capital Gains Tax
4. CDL Licence Tax
5. Cigarette Tax
6. Corporate Income Tax
7. Court Fines (indirect taxes)
8. Dog Licence Tax
9. Federal Income Tax
10. Federal Unemployment Tax
11. Fishing Licence Tax
12. Food Licence Tax
13. Fuel Permit Tax
14. Gasoline Tax
15. Hunting Licence Tax
16. Inheritance Tax
17. Revenue Canada Interest Charges (tax on top of tax)
18. Revenue Canada Penalties (tax on top of tax)
19. Liquor Tax
20. Local Income Tax
21. Luxury Taxes
22. Marriage Licence Tax
23. Medicare Tax
24. Property Tax
25. Real Estate Tax
26. Septic Permit Tax
27. Service Charge Taxes
28. Social Security Tax
29. Road Usage Taxes (Truckers)
30. Sales Taxes
31. Recreational Vehicle Tax
32. Road Toll Booth Taxes
33. School Tax
34. Provincial Income Tax
35. Unemployment Tax
36. Telephone Federal Excise Tax
37. Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
38. Telephone Federal, and
39. Local Surcharge Taxes
40. Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
41. Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax
42. Telephone and Local Tax
43. Telephone Usage Charge Tax
44. Toll Bridge Taxes
45. Toll Tunnel Taxes
46. Traffic Fines (indirect taxation)
47. Trailer Registration Tax
48. Utility Taxes
49. Vehicle Licence Registration Tax
50. Vehicle Tax
51. Watercraft Registration Tax
52. Well Permit Tax
53. Workers' Compensation Tax
54. GST on everything including your funeral

COMMENTS: Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago. Our nation was prosperous, had absolutely no national debt, and had one of the largest middle classes in the world. Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What happened?

I am Canadian!

I was born in 1965, yet I am responsible for some FIRST NATIONS PEOPLE BEING
SCREWED OUT OF THEIR LAND IN the 1700's.

I pay import tax on cars made in Ontario.

All the money I make up until mid July must go to paying taxes.

Although they are unpatriotic and constantly try to separate, Quebec still
provides my nation's prime ministers.

95% of my nation's international conflicts are over fish.

I believe that paying a 200% tax on alcohol is fair.

I believe that the same tax on gasoline is also fair.

My fellow countrymen often badmouth the United States and then vacation
there three times a year.

I believe spending $15 billion to promote the French language in the rest of
Canada is fair when the province of Quebec doesn't support or recognize the
English language.

I believe that paying $30 million for 3 Stripes ("The Voice of Fire painting
in Ottawa) by the National Art Gallery was a good purchase, even though 99%
of this country didn't want it or will ever see it.

When I look at my pay stub and realize that I take home a third of what I
actually make, I say "Oh well, at least we have better health care than the
Americans."

My national anthem has versions in both official languages and I don't know
either of them.

I am Canadian.

Subject: Top Ten's
TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY, BUT IN THE OFFICE, AREN'T:
> > > > > 10. I need to whip it out by 5.
> > > > > 9. Mind if I use your laptop?
> > > > > 8. Just stick it in my box.
> > > > > 7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
> > > > > 6. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!!!
> > > > > 5. HMMMMM, I think it's out of fluid!
> > > > > 4. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.
> > > > > 3. It's an entry level position.
> > > > > 2. When do you think you'll be getting off today?
> > > > > And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty but at the office isn't:
> > > > > 1. It's not fair. I do all the work while he just sits there!!!
> > > > > ========
> > > > > TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY, BUT IN A LAW FIRM, AREN'T:
> > > > > 10. Have you looked through her briefs?
> > > > > 9. He is one hard judge.
> > > > > 8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
> > > > > 7. Her attorney withdrew at the last minute.
> > > > > 6. Is it a penal offense?
> > > > > 5. Better leave the handcuffs on.
> > > > > 4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!
> > > > > 3. Can you get him to drop his suit?
> > > > > 2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.
> > > > > And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty but in law isn't;
> > > > > 1. Think you can get me off?
> > > > > =========
> > > > > TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY, BUT IN GOLF, AREN'T:
> > > > > 10. Damn, my shaft is bent.
> > > > > 9. After 18 holes, I can barely walk.
> > > > > 8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.
> > > > > 7. Look at the size of his putter.
> > > > > 6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.
> > > > > 5. Mind if I join your threesome?
> > > > > 4. Stand with your back turned and drop it.
> > > > > 3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
> > > > > 2. Nice stroke, but your follow-through leaves a lot to be
desired.
> > > > > And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty but in golf isn't;
> > > > > 1. Hold up! I need to wash my balls first.
 

10 Reasons To Go To Work Naked

1. No one ever steals your chair.
2. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.
3. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.
4. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.
5. You want to see if it's like the dream.
6. To stop those creepy programmer guys from looking down your blouse.
7. "I'd love to chip in... but I left my wallet in my pants."
8. Inventive way to finally meet that 'special' person in Human Resources.
9. Can take advantage of your computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
10.And...drum roll... the Number One reason to go to work naked : Your boss will never say, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!" ever again.

Now, this is all a mistake...

It is much, much better to invade Canada. Forget Iraq! Anyone but Bush
could see the practical advantages.

The following was obtained by CNN from reliable sources who wish to remain
nameless.


REASONS TO INVADE CANADA, NOT IRAQ**************************

1. Canada is much closer than Iraq. Transportation costs, especially
given 2 below, would be much, much less.

2. The United States has 250,000 troops near Iraq. To invade Canada
would take less than 2,000. That is a savings of (250,000 - 2,000 =)
248,000+ salaries, food and lodging, to say nothing of transportation.
The savings to the Federal treasury would be astounding.

3. The time needed for the invasion would be reduced to one long weekend.
No need to build up strength for ever and ever. Just wait until the first
long weekend and do it before Tuesday.

4. Many Canadians speak a form of American. Save for certain areas,
translators are not needed.

5. Canada supplies more oil to the United States than any other country.
Obviously this is wrong. We would justly feel that our future lies in
foreign hands and could therefore are able to justify taking over the
country. The threat of turning off the taps is a real and viable threat to
national security.

6. Canada has massive supplies of renewable fresh water, needed to ensure
the future development of California, Arizona and New Mexico. We could
also use other natural resources available without royalty.

7. We need to secure a route for our Alaska pipelines. Canada is in the
way.

8. Historically, we have tried to invade twice, and been repulsed both
times. We own them two. Benedict Arnold tried the first time, and was
seduced into returning to the Loyalist fold. Subsequent plans to invade,
from Jefferson to Madison to Lincoln/Seward, to Teddy Roosevelt were put
on hold. We must attain the manifest destiny that history demands of us.

9. We have a ready and willing group of supporters already in place.
Calgary has the largest concentration of Americans outside of the United
States. They are being abused and denigrated by Canadians. Reports show
that they are suffering from culture shock due to gun withdrawal. Their
rights and liberties must be protected.

10. We need a steady supply of hockey players and news anchormen. Canada
offers both, with actors, singers (particularly female singers),
speechwriters and many other professionals added in. We gain the
necessary nurses and teachers as well.

11. Canada is much, much bigger than Iraq. Not only are costs down, but
we get more "living space".

12. Canada has a large French province called Quebec. We know what
France did. this will give us revenge without having to travel to Europe.

13. The large number of Canadians in the United States gives us a ready
supply of people to arrest and detain, thus keeping our new security
structured in place. It is anticipated that Canadian prisoners would be
much more docile.

14. Canada, after years under a brutal federal government, is in
desperate need of a regime change. The present party has been in power
for most of a century and still continues to reign. The peoples of Canada
would welcome a change to obtain a more democratic form of government.

15. There is not need to print pamphlets and other propaganda to drop
from the air. We already control communications and can access that
without any additional effort. Indeed, we are already doing so.

16. Canadians kill seals and other cuddly animals. They are brutal and
callous people but can be educated and enabled to be good Americans. They
generally have no religions that would cause issues for us. Canadians who
have been exposed to American culture generally quickly accept more crime,
more guns and private medical insurance.

17. Canada is where all the cold air comes from in the winter. This is a
new form of WMD, one that has gone unnoticed for decades. Recent events
in Denver show without doubt that the Canadians are and remain willing to
unleash this WMD on innocent Americans. By taking control of Canada and
shipping the Quebecois back from Florida to Quebec, we shall achieve
freedom from winter snows and birds.

18. Canada cannot be counted on, as recent events show. If they are not
with us, they must be against us. They abandoned us in Vietnam; they
delayed giving unconditional support during the Cuba crisis. Their record
of backstabbing stretches back years.

19. Canada does not like our President and has insulted him on frequent
occasions. This is a stain our national honour. Jean Chretien, the
Canadian dictator (called "Prime Minister") is an oaf given to delusions
of grandeur and posturing. We must erase this stain as we seek regime
changes.

20. Canadians make funny beer and bacon, both of which are needed in the
American way of life. Our supplies could be endangered if we delay.

*********************

Makes sense to me...